I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
