there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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