My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My hand turned me down
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
