Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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