i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
