Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
