i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
