Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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