Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
