remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize