Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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