I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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