I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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