No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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