we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
