Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
