she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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