I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize