2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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