I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
