It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
