Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
