He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
