i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
