what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
