He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
