Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize