When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
