So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
