Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
