I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
