Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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