From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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