Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
