I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
