Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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