he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
