I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
