he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
