she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
