if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
