Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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