people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
