in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
