I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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