She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
