you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
