You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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