just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
