Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
