I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Vodka?
Forever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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