Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Text me some of your sweat
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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