Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
