I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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