You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize