You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
