i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
