I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
