We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
