Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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