No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize