I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
