OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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