i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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