i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
