it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
