My brain says no but my pants say off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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