I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
