I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
