Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
