roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
