No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
