I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
