That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
