so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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