The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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