My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
