shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize