Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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