i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
