As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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