At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
