feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize