4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
