bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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