420 ftw
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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