But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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