I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
