He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ketchup is God's man juice
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
