high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize