I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
