He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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