I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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