Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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