I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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