Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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