I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
